I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
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