never play flip cup with pint glasses
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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