Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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