I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
