is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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