is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
