Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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