I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
