i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
