Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
do herpes really smell.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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