he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
