omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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