Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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