I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize
