speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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