I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize
