Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
