Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
