so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
