Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
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