can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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