I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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