And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
