If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
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