When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Randomize
