Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
How external is "for external use only"?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Randomize
