i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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