Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
My penis needs a shock collar
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
