i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
