Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
