hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
