Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
