I met the friendliest cop last night
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
