I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
