i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
