He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
this will be a night to untag.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
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