Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
