no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
