Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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