White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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