He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
