My cat gives me a boner
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
