i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
