well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
The feeling are messing with the penis
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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