I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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