wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
