so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
