Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
