and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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