I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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